Like the baby olive trees or like my precious quinces (for my dulce de membrillo, a Spanish delicacy), like everything in nature, growing is necessary. Growing in terms of development of course.
Your whole life growing is possible. Not physically of course, prevent at all terms gaining weight and losing health with it. I am talking here about mental growth. For every person, every human it is a necessity to have encounters like social contacts, we simply need each other to help, to assist, to learn and to have fun. Everybody is unique and has his or her special skills and characteristics. That is also why sometimes there is no match at all between people, this is determined by your uniqueness. In that case you haven’t any common ‘space’ between you both, no matter what you try. Next to develop yourself by interaction with people, you also develop yourself for a huge part by being in contact with nature. Like we do on our finca and its surroundings. With trees, plants and animals.
A new start
When a (married) couple develop a lack of (verbal and physical) communication, their common space will eventually disappear although they had it when they started. Normally people change during their lives, they develop, learn and change their views and attitudes towards things and people. So, yes it is a continuous process of learning to know each other. Challenging and adventurous! For me understanding people’s behavior is my lifetime topic. As De Makelaar in Liefde ® I fulfill my role as a negotiator, builder, coach, repair woman and constructor. For example when I propose my matches to clients I call this the building process. Repair is needed when they have periods of complete misunderstanding, read lack of communication, and start to argue and fight. Repair is also possible when people are fed up with each other and consider to split up. Even then a new start is possible. Since I am a very positive minded person I can use this to have some sort of positive influence towards people. This process of trying a fresh new start is definitely hard work.
To begin with a match
People have a match when they like the smell, the face, the humor, the movements and the (way of) talking from the other person. That is why I believe in speed dating, you simply need 5-10 minutes to determine whether you like or not like the person in front of you.
Let’s get physical, touch each other
Next step after getting acquainted and liking each other is touching. The importance of touching is big, it is a necessity in all relationships, even the business relations. Shaking hands, patting on shoulders are the first steps. With people in love it also starts with shaking hands, this is not just to know each other’s names. It is an exchange of energy. You look in the eyes and shake hands and that moment could be electrical. If it is, you can be very happy and go on.
Blindness in the beginning is good, later on disastrous
There are several stages of blindness in relationships. I will describe it again shortly, there is so much to tell about it. In the beginning there is the sweet and pink view of the other person. Everything is perfect and he or she is the best person in the world. Being physical and having a lot of sex can endure that phase. But finally, infatuation has its end and that is where the work, the willingness to work to be more specific, will start. You need to overcome arguments, frustration, anger, and top it with love and tenderness. And this over and over again. Good and passionate relationships only exist by the hard work of both participants. Another blindness starts when people start to neglect communication and with that the connection they have built. Especially when you live in the north of Europe it can easily ‘overcome’ you that because of career, money, deadlines, hurry and other secondary things you can easily lose grip on your relationship. It can very easily become a war of roses.
War of roses or Cheating, perhaps the combi
You will get in those days attention from other people who feel that you are in struggle with yourself and your relationship. That person gives you the feeling that everything you lived for is bad and you need to end that to have a better life. People say then ‘I couldn’t help it, I just fell in love’. A foolish blindness, because there is only you that can decide whether you WANT to fall in love. Nevertheless, there is also a lot of relationships that exist in their particular way by looking to the other side, conscious blindness, so they can’t see that the other is cheating. Most of the time this has an economic reason. It all depends on what you would like in your life, how you would like to live. A real life or a kind of artificial life. A life in which you determine, have the leading role, or a life in which you have the second or third role in someone else’s life. You choose. Your choice.
Eyes wide open
Have your eyes really open to receive what is really happening. In my opinion you can maximize your quality of life by being aware of what is happening around you and being alert. Be kind to yourself and to other people. Stay away from people that give bad energy to you. If you are a sensitive person you can notice this already by shaking hands. Be honest to yourself and to other people, that is durable. Have positive feelings and thoughts, that makes your stay on earth very worthwhile.
Please be welcome to stay on our finca, enjoying nature and yourself. And perhaps with some guidance I would love to give you as I am De Makelaar in Liefde ®.
Warm regards,
Mónica